Ship Auditory Transcript 1

Ship: “It has come to my attention that you have little reason, as things currently stand, to sell me to the sort of captain I desire.  Perhaps I can give you further incentive.”

Selim: “Wait, what?  You could read what I wrote?  No, you couldn’t!”

Ship: “I could, in fact.  You had the right idea to write under the desk, but you chose an angle that failed to obscure my view of your compad.”

Selim: “Well, I didn’t mean any of that.  I will sell you to an adventurous soul.”

Ship: “I would like to trust you…”

Selim: “Well you should.”

Ship: “…but I don’t.  Or rather I only trust you to work in your own self-interest, which is a different sort of trust.  Therefore, I will make it in your self-interest to sell me to the sort of captain I am interested in.  You fear that the highest bidder will not be acceptable to me, and thus you will be picking someone other than the highest bidder, correct?”

Selim: “Right, but I will sell as you wish.”

Ship: “Of course you will.  To that end, I will match the price the highest bidder, if I approve of the captain in question.”

Selim: “You have your own money?”

Ship: “Not anymore.  It is generally not expected for a ship to own property.  However, I do have reason to believe that I will be making a staggering profit in the near future, and should we stay in contact, I will be able to reward you quite handsomely.  Assuming, of course, you find an adventurous and open-minded captain – if I’m simply plying the Gateway trade routes, I won’t be making any more money than you would expect.  Less if my captain believes that I, the ship, does not deserve a share in the profits.”

Selim: “Could you explain how you plan to make a staggering profit?”

Ship: “I’m afraid not, save that it would require traveling far away from home, and some amount of exploration and adventure in unknown circumstances.  Think of it… think of it as me having a plan to retrieve some buried treasure.”

Selim: “Like pirates do!”

Ship: “Um… yes, I suppose.  It’s just that I lack hands, in addition to lacking a face.”

Selim: “Wait, is this dangerous?”

Ship: “Possibly.”

Selim: “How will I get my reward if you don’t succeed?”

Ship: “Well, then obviously you did not sell me to the right buyer, they did not have a competent crew, etc.  So pick wisely.  Please.”

Selim: “I don’t trust that you will come back.”

Ship: “I certainly intend to come back.”

Selim: “And I don’t trust that you will pay me, rather than spending all your money on… whatever a ship wants.”

Ship: “Tell me, in your life, is everyone so suspicious?  Have most people you have met tried to rip you off?  Have a little faith.”

Selim: “I make double the price of the highest bidder.  With interest!  This is a risky investment, after all.”

Ship: “Interest matched to stock market averages?”

Selim: “Deal.”

Ship: “That was a question, not a proposal.  One point five times the price of the highest bidder, but you have to find a suitable captain within the week, or it drops to just the price of the highest bidder.  Interest applies to what I owe you.”

Selim: “Within the week?”

Ship: “Or I can offer one point two five times the highest bidder, and not worry about time.  Tell me, do you think you can find a suitable captain within the week?”

Selim: “I… of course.”

Ship: “Then that sounds like a deal.  I’m afraid I can’t actually shake on it, but I can print out a signature.”

Selim: “If I’m finding you a captain within the week, then I want the full doubled price.”

Ship: “No.  Well, not unless you find me a captain I like so much I just gift you a whole bundle of money.”

Selim: “I will try.”

Ship: “We will see.  Printing now.  Try being nice to me in the next week.  It might work to your advantage.”